this time last year...

z was missing her front tooth.

s barely had any hair and couldn't walk without support.

r still looked so much like a toddler (even then hated having her picture taken).

i've been so reflective lately. maybe it's the reality that my girls are growing, evolving, changing. i see it everyday and i'm powerless to stop it. it makes me truly sad. certainly there are days (many, many days) that i just wish the hours would pass quickly and bedtime would be upon me. i hate those days because now when all is peaceful and the girls are playing nicely i'm wishing them back. so often i'll end my day thinking about how hoarse my voice is from the yelling, how tired i am from constantly picking up after everyone and never really seeing a difference, how my life was before having children. it's during these moments of weakness i feel like a terrible mom. i cry myself to sleep with shame and utter disdain for my sharp tongue and selfish thoughts. thankfully those moments of chaos are fleeting as are my longing thoughts of my life pre-children. i wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world. i just need to remind myself every once in a while that i'm doing something bigger than i ever thought possible. i'm a mom.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I hear you, I really do. Thanks for not making me feel so bad.