i did it!!!
really didn't think it would happen!!!
it'll be in the mail soon :)
peace mon!


two kids down 
one to go...
maybe i will get our christmas card done this year!
an out take from our shoot this afternoon
(and this is the one who hates the camera)


a new day...

woke up this morning after a fit-full sleep
the dog was barking until all hours
thoughts swirling around and around in my head
didn't think i was going to get any rest
thought for sure i could feel my head pounding at 5 am
i rose out of bed before daylight and found that 
welcomed me
i felt relief
perhaps it was the tears i shed last night
my words heard
my heart listened
i will take each day as it comes
as my man does
i will dip into my craft 
and shrug off the bad stuff
the stuff i can't control


i know i've been gone 
my hope is with a new year just around the corner
i will feel like a fresh start is in order.
there are so many things about this past year i just want to forget
and so i do
ignoring them.
i haven't wanted to visit all those happy blogs in my sidebar,
haven't wanted to post lately because 
i don't want to be debbie downer.
i'm working through something inside myself that just takes time.
i want to keep it real around here and 
posting the fa-la-la's of my day seem like a lie.
i'm not a liar.
i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i get swept up in the christmas spirt


scenes from the city...

i know my posts have been inconsistent lately
that's life
i've taken on the motto
'i'll get to it when i get to it'
that's a pretty tough sentiment to live by when you're as controlling as i am.
i NEED to be in control and over the past year i've felt things are OUT of my control.
hard pill to swallow but little by little i am
craig and i got away to our much loved and missed 'bean' town last weekend.
it was my birthday
i turned 25
we loved every minute of it
we realized that even after being together for 15 years we still really like each other
that's hard to say for a lot of married couples so i count ourselves as lucky
i'm certainly not the easiest person to be with and frankly neither is he :O
we had an amazing dinner at mistral
where we were treated like royalty
and we laid our heads at the inn at st botolph
picked out my own birthday cake from flour
and shopped at trader joes
the escape from the daily grind was awesome but some things never change
i actually like the daily grind
i'm a routine kind of gal i guess
peace out peeps
until next time


today i'm just going to be....


running on empty..

i've felt like running.
running away,
running towards,
running and running and running
until i can catch my breath
and run some more...
back again.


when i look at you...



we're still here.
fall is busy, busy being pulled this way and that.
trying to find that balance
and having to let certain things fall behind.
thinking of you!


apples or children...

 sometimes waiting can be the best part of getting something you want.
the anitcipation
of the good,
the sweet,
the prize.

taking your time to get to that special place
where the treasure will be found...
looking this way and that
wondering if this one will be the best choice.

and when you've found what you're looking for
so beautiful,
and shining
waiting there just for you

you gently hold it until it's free in your hand
and you look at it,
this sweetness
is yours.


a guy...

i love a guy who doesn't lack self confidence.
a guy who will defy all odds and remove a 5lb bag of potatoes hidden on the counter.
a guy who in MY time of need pms will eat all the cupcakes he could possibly reach so i'm left with none.
a guy with such moxie,
a zip in his step,
a non discriminating bone in his body...barbie, pillow stuffing, dog mat, trash, lunch box, shoe, book, wii, cactus, CUPCAKES.
he enjoys them all...
quite equally in fact.
he's a guy we hate to love but love to hate.
he's our lil' guy and we're keepin' him.



i wish they'd stay this innocent forever...
when holding a bug isn't creepy 
and i'm their best friend.


dog on the kitchen table....wahhhhhh


i'm stoic.
i'm pensive.
i'm trying to decide how exactly to get from here to the counter so i can try those brownies.
mom says i can't sit on the kitchen table.
i pretend not to listen because frankly i dig it up here!
tonight's my first night of school.
mom thinks i'll be the class clown
i wonder why?


four is big...

on our way

we're here
a bit shy
mom forgot to cut my nails
feet firmly planted
sporting a little fancy

i call her 'nonnee', 'dude', 'ween bean'...
there are many more nicknames but you may not get my humor so i'll keep them private.
i was informed today by little miss sunshine
that i can call her stella now that she's a big girl.
she's all amped up
ready to walk up that long flight of stairs,
say goodbye to me at the door
and go on with her four year old self.
i deflate thinking it's going to be harder than that but it's not
and alas
i'm alone 
going down that long flight of stairs...


back to school...

back to school.
they were nervous
but good nervous.
i told them the minute they find their desks they'd be all better.
it happened sooner than that.
as soon as they stepped onto the playground they were surrounded by friends -
measuring each other to see how tall they'd gotten over the summer.
all the butterflies went away.
they are lucky...
their school is like a big hug
warm, comforting, safe.
they were all smiles this afternoon when i picked them up too.
it was a great first day back.


mischief named lucky...

boy am i pooped.
i had a blast chewing up the handmade pillows mom made
she left them right there on the couch for me...so nice of her
i am onnnnnne lucky guy let me tell you!
ha ha get it?
  that's me!
i also enjoyed the grill cover
that was fun
the screen to the slider?
super duper times
spider plant?
that thing was creepin' me out
wrapping paper?
i wonder what mom's gonna let me play with tomorrow!
can't wait

when 9 becomes 10...

ten years
a decade
it happens fast
faster than you'd think,
faster than you'd like
 you can't stop it.
each second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year
you've enriched our lives 
and made us better.
you continue to be a thoughtful,
deep, connected, authentic young lady
who is on a good path that can lead you anywhere
the choice is yours!
to my first baby,
i love you doll,
happy birthday!!!


a dress...

catching each exhale of breath
to be worn 


bye dad...

dear dad,
you forgot me this morning.

i know you had a lot on your mind
and it was an oversight,
i certainly forgive you because you.are.da.man!
maybe you're a little annoyed that i ate an entire bag of trader joes trail mix with dried cranberries
on our way home from the cape last night and 
 got a little sick on your lap just ten miles from home.

 i really love you dad
and want to ride in the big boy truck
don't forget me tomorrow...


sweet melissa...

my baby sister graduated this weekend 
from goddard college in beautiful vermont.
words can't describe this amazing girl
her beauty resonates from the inside out,
her presence always complete and 'there'
her words are healing,
her touch is healing,
she is very real
someone i, as her oldest sister 
learns from every day
trying myself to be more real
it's not easy remaining true to oneself 
but she does
and does it with both beauty and a rawness that can only be considered
i love you sa sa!