Today I feel like taking cover.
I want to avoid stuff.
Just stuff.
I don't want to think about the house.
I don't want to think about the three different teacher questionnaires I need to fill out.
I don't want to think about the hundreds I'll need to spend on school clothes.
I don't want to think about how next week Zoe turns 9.
What?
How did that happen.
I don't have a thing for her yet.
I don't want to think about how waking at 6:00am after a night at work is going to feel again...one more week and I will.
I don't want to think about the girl drama that happens when you're in 4th grade.
My Zoe is so fragile.
So sensitive.
Her sweet little heart can't take much abuse.
I don't want to think about debt.
I don't want to think about how scary it is out there in the big bad world.
I don't want to think about artificial growth hormones,
antibiotics, pesticides.
How organic may not mean organic.
I want to spend $300 at anthropologie and buy new bedding.
I've filled my cart a half a dozen times...just dreaming.
I want to hire a maid.
I want to hire a nanny.
I want to feel what it's like to never worry about finances.
No more migraines.
No more stomach wrenching fights between my girls.
I'm negative today.
I hate that.
It's not a good feeling.
90 degrees and 100% humidity = really bad hair.
I'll turn it around.
I always do.
So don't worry.
I'm ok.
xo

hello friends...

I'm back.
I needed a little break from life and somehow recounting my day when blogging felt like rubbing the dirt right back in my face.
I'm OK.
I know we all go through the ups and downs...it just sucks, doesn't it!!!!
I've always been a pretty moody person.
Strong personality.
Intense.
Sharp tongue.
I hate that about myself and hate that I have to work SO hard at keeping a lid on my stress level.

Some of my 'fire' lately may be due to the fact that I've tried a homeopathic remedy for my migraines. I was told that some of the rage I've been experiencing could be due to the fact that my body is cleaning itself out.

On the plus side I should have gotten at least three-four migraines since taking this remedy and I haven't!!!! I love the prescribed medication I've been taking for the past year and a half...Maxalt. It's been the only thing that can even touch the intense pain. It just scares me that the long term side affects could be really bad news. I'm all for going the natural route...amen!

Sew. My machine s_it the bed...just when I need it the most. I took it to the Dr. yesterday so hopefully it's nothing too serious. I've become addicted to making patchwork pillows. Addicted! I love them and have already made five and can't wait to make more!!! I've also made some new things for the shop that have yet to be sewn...waiting in the wings.

Camera. I'm ready for a really good camera. Mine is great for certain things but I feel really held back. I need your advice ladies...what kind do you have? Lenses you use most often? I'm only dreaming about getting a new camera at this point but it's good to start looking :)

What's up with the pacifier? The gooky fairy came late Wednesday, May 13th after I had gotten home from a long night at work. She whispered in my ear that Stella would be allowed to hold onto her gooky for a little longer under the condition that the gooky stay on the bed. Guess what? Stella has been doing AMAZING!!! I'm so proud of her and feel like this was the right decision for us. She totally abides by the rules. She had her yearly Dr. appointment on Monday and I didn't even bring it with me knowing there could possibly be a shot involved...thank goodness there wasn't :)

School. FOUR weeks left of school...SAY WHAT? I can't believe it! I've got major, major worries that I may have to pull Zoe out of school for fourth grade. I won't know who her teacher is until the last day...GOD, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she's in the right class. I can't stand that some teachers are allowed to remain teaching long after their time should be up. My thoughts if she doesn't get Mrs. K? Private school, Waldorf school, Home schooling (not by me...are you nuts?), charter Art school? It'll be a scramble not being able to make plans until mid June but I'll do it.

Summer. We've got big plans this summer and I can't wait!!! We're heading out West to visit my sisters who live in Telluride, Colorado!!! I haven't been since getting stranded there during the week of 9/11. Scary stuff. We were actually scheduled to be on one of the planes that didn't make it but our flights got changed :O I still remember that day like it was yesterday. It's taken my this long to fly again.

Ok. I'm off to do stuff :) It's going to be in the 90's today!!! I was tempted to pull Ruby out of school to go to the beach but she had invited a new friend over and I didn't want to cancel on her. I've already got steak tips marinating in some terryaki Soy Vay, fresh corn on the cob waiting to by peeled, and baby mixed greens ready for a yummy salad. Dinner is done and done and it's not even 10:00am yet!

Boy. I sure do wish I had my sewing machine!!!!

xo

ps. Martha Stewart is having a 20% off sale until May 31st online. I just stocked up on some great Halloween and Christmas decorations that were already on sale...pennies spent! Go shop!!!

I need to vent...

101 in Swine flu prevention...don't let your kid do this :)
thanks honeybee for the laugh!

Now for the vent.

Call me crazy. Tell me I'm over reacting. Tell me you'd totally be annoyed, mad, frustrated too. Here's what happened. A little friend in Ruby's class had a birthday yesterday. On Monday when I went to pick Zoe up from school we ran into 'Chloe' and her Mom. 'Chloe' asked if Ruby could come over after school yesterday to celebrate her birthday with her. The wheels started turning in my head...how in the world would I be able to pull off a gift in less than 24 hours knowing I was working until at least midnight on Monday and wouldn't have the time to run and get one? I did what I had to do. I dragged my sorry a$$ to Wally world first thing Tuesday morning, bought a gift, wrapped it and delivered it to 'Chloe's' doorstep. No, this wasn't a birthday party...just a playdate. I still felt inclined to get a little something even though if 'Chole' does have a b'day party I'd probably pick something else up for her as well. Ok. I digress. Fast foward to 2:00pm. I'm rushing, stressed and out of time. I again have to go to work, exhausted and totally not in the mood or mindset to process what was about to happen.

'Missy' opens the door and I see Ruby in the background looking really, really sad. I thought uh-oh...bad playdate. NO! 'Missy' tells me that the gift I had rushed to get 'Chloe' was a duplicate of one she already had so she took the girls to Walmart to exchange it for another. WHAT???? About 100 thoughts started flying through my head. You took my daughter in your car without my permission? You took my daughter to Walmart aka the land of the child predators without my permission. You stood in the customer service line that is always at least a half hour wait with my daughter without my permission. You made my daughter feel bad about the gift I had bought and so on this 90 degree day you HAD to take my daughter with YOU to Walmart? Out of the three hour playdate you spent at least an hour of it in the land of the horrible? My daughter had to watch your daughter get excited about getting a new toy at Walmart and stand by and get nothing? SHE'S FIVE!!! You DON'T do that!!!! My heart is racing as I'm writing this...I'm SOOOO pissed!

I grab Ruby...apologized for her behavior (WHY did I DO that!!!!!!?????) I just wanted to get the heck out of there. So shoeless, hot, embarrassed, and PISSED we get in the car. I'm mad and I feel horrible. I explain a little loudly :O to Ruby that she can't ask for gifts and that she doesn't get to get something every time she's in a store. My.blood.is.boiling!!!!!!! I calm myself down and move on.

She will never, NEVER be allowed to go to this little girls house again. I wish I were more verbally confrontational because I'd love to give this woman an ear full...I'm just not. As for going to 'Chole's' birthday party??? Ummmmm.....we'll be busy that day whenever the heck it is.

Don't mess with me.

Oh and 'Missy' if you're reading this? You're not too smart, are you?