i did it!!!

really didn't think it would happen!!!

it'll be in the mail soon :)

peace mon!

two kids down 

one to go...

maybe i will get our christmas card done this year!

an out take from our shoot this afternoon

(and this is the one who hates the camera)

:)

a new day...

woke up this morning after a fit-full sleep

the dog was barking until all hours

thoughts swirling around and around in my head

didn't think i was going to get any rest

thought for sure i could feel my head pounding at 5 am

i rose out of bed before daylight and found that 

clarity 

welcomed me

i felt relief

perhaps it was the tears i shed last night

my words heard

my heart listened

i will take each day as it comes

as my man does

i will dip into my craft 

and shrug off the bad stuff

the stuff i can't control

and 

breathe

i know i've been gone 

a

lot.

my hope is with a new year just around the corner

i will feel like a fresh start is in order.

there are so many things about this past year i just want to forget

and so i do

by 

ignoring them.

i haven't wanted to visit all those happy blogs in my sidebar,

haven't wanted to post lately because 

i don't want to be debbie downer.

i'm working through something inside myself that just takes time.

patience.

i want to keep it real around here and 

posting the fa-la-la's of my day seem like a lie.

i'm not a liar.

i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i get swept up in the christmas spirt

asap.

love,

me

scenes from the city...

i know my posts have been inconsistent lately

that's life

i've taken on the motto

'i'll get to it when i get to it'

that's a pretty tough sentiment to live by when you're as controlling as i am.

i NEED to be in control and over the past year i've felt things are OUT of my control.

hard pill to swallow but little by little i am

*

craig and i got away to our much loved and missed 'bean' town last weekend.

it was my birthday

i turned 25

cough

we loved every minute of it

we realized that even after being together for 15 years we still really like each other

that's hard to say for a lot of married couples so i count ourselves as lucky

i'm certainly not the easiest person to be with and frankly neither is he :O

we had an amazing dinner at mistral

where we were treated like royalty

and we laid our heads at the inn at st botolph

amazing

picked out my own birthday cake from flour

and shopped at trader joes

it

was

nice

the escape from the daily grind was awesome but some things never change

i actually like the daily grind

i'm a routine kind of gal i guess

peace out peeps

until next time

today i'm just going to be....

running on empty..

i've felt like running.

running away,

running towards,

running and running and running
until i can catch my breath
again
and run some more...
from.
to.
and
back again.

when i look at you...

 

here...

hello!

we're still here.

fall is busy, busy being pulled this way and that.

trying to find that balance

and having to let certain things fall behind.

thinking of you!

apples or children...

 

 sometimes waiting can be the best part of getting something you want.

the anitcipation

of the good,

the sweet,

the prize.

 

taking your time to get to that special place

where the treasure will be found...

looking this way and that

wondering if this one will be the best choice.

 

and when you've found what you're looking for

so beautiful,

and shining

waiting there just for you

 

you gently hold it until it's free in your hand

and you look at it,

amazed 

that 

this sweetness

is yours.

a guy...

i love a guy who doesn't lack self confidence.

a guy who will defy all odds and remove a 5lb bag of potatoes hidden on the counter.

a guy who in MY time of need pms will eat all the cupcakes he could possibly reach so i'm left with none.

a guy with such moxie,

a zip in his step,

a non discriminating bone in his body...barbie, pillow stuffing, dog mat, trash, lunch box, shoe, book, wii, cactus, CUPCAKES.

he enjoys them all...

quite equally in fact.

he's a guy we hate to love but love to hate.

he's our lil' guy and we're keepin' him.

innocence...

i wish they'd stay this innocent forever...

when holding a bug isn't creepy 

and i'm their best friend.

 

dog on the kitchen table....wahhhhhh

manners

i'm stoic.
i'm pensive.
i'm trying to decide how exactly to get from here to the counter so i can try those brownies.
mom says i can't sit on the kitchen table.
i pretend not to listen because frankly i dig it up here!
tonight's my first night of school.
mom thinks i'll be the class clown
i wonder why?

four is big...

on our way

we're here

a bit shy

mom forgot to cut my nails

feet firmly planted

sporting a little fancy

i call her 'nonnee', 'dude', 'ween bean'...

there are many more nicknames but you may not get my humor so i'll keep them private.

however-

i was informed today by little miss sunshine

that i can call her stella now that she's a big girl.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

she's all amped up

ready to walk up that long flight of stairs,

say goodbye to me at the door

and go on with her four year old self.

i deflate thinking it's going to be harder than that but it's not

and alas

i'm alone 

going down that long flight of stairs...

back to school...

back to school.

they were nervous

but good nervous.

i told them the minute they find their desks they'd be all better.

it happened sooner than that.

as soon as they stepped onto the playground they were surrounded by friends -

measuring each other to see how tall they'd gotten over the summer.

all the butterflies went away.

they are lucky...

their school is like a big hug

warm, comforting, safe.

they were all smiles this afternoon when i picked them up too.

it was a great first day back.

mischief named lucky...

zzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

boy am i pooped.

i had a blast chewing up the handmade pillows mom made

a

blast!

she left them right there on the couch for me...so nice of her

i am onnnnnne lucky guy let me tell you!

ha ha get it?

  lucky?

  that's me!

i also enjoyed the grill cover

that was fun

the screen to the slider?

super duper times

spider plant?

that thing was creepin' me out

wrapping paper?

ya-hooooooo!

i wonder what mom's gonna let me play with tomorrow!

can't wait

night!

when 9 becomes 10...

ten years

a decade

gone.

it happens fast

faster than you'd think,

faster than you'd like

 you can't stop it.

time...

each second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year

you've enriched our lives 

and made us better.

you continue to be a thoughtful,

deep, connected, authentic young lady

who is on a good path that can lead you anywhere

the choice is yours!

to my first baby,

i love you doll,

happy birthday!!!

a dress...

light

catching each exhale of breath

waiting

to be worn 

again...

bye dad...

dear dad,

you forgot me this morning.

i know you had a lot on your mind

and it was an oversight,

i certainly forgive you because you.are.da.man!

or 

maybe you're a little annoyed that i ate an entire bag of trader joes trail mix with dried cranberries

on our way home from the cape last night and 

 got a little sick on your lap just ten miles from home.

 i really love you dad

and want to ride in the big boy truck

don't forget me tomorrow...

ok?

woof

sweet melissa...

my baby sister graduated this weekend 

from goddard college in beautiful vermont.

words can't describe this amazing girl

her beauty resonates from the inside out,

her presence always complete and 'there'

her words are healing,

her touch is healing,

she is very real

authentic.

someone i, as her oldest sister 

learns from every day

trying myself to be more real

authentic.

it's not easy remaining true to oneself 

always

but she does

and does it with both beauty and a rawness that can only be considered

truth.

i love you sa sa!

namaste