day 1...

i watched with desperation

as she fell back inside herself

becoming as tiny as she could

invisible

a heart shattered 

a soul stamped on

sounds of children all around laughing

surrounding her

as she fell 

deeper and deeper

into 

nothingness

as a mother you want to protect your children from everything, everyone.  you want to take on their pain, their worries, their insecurities, their anxieties so that perhaps you free them so they can just be a kid.  i so wanted to see my girl laugh with her friends this morning as i dropped her off at school.  i wanted them to surround her and hug her and tell her that no matter what they've got her back.  i wanted to see excitement in her big brown eyes and with it the belief that this would be her year to shine.  alas, none of that happened.  i don't know how i allowed this fantasy to even enter my mind.  i know how cruel children can be without them even realizing it.  i felt her pain deeper than i've ever felt any pain.  my heart shredded.  my stomach in knots.   it's taking all i have not to drive back to the school, scoop her up in my arms, hug her and tell her this is all just a bad dream....

two days past eleven...

a two day late 

public announcement:

(hands cupped around my mouth as i shout at the top of my lungs) 

this gorgeous girl 

who proudly sits above

is now 11years + 2 days old/young!

we had a busy day

out to lunch,

took the girls to get feathers put in their hair

what a racket that is

took 5 minutes and cost over $100

say what????

i'll do it myself next time ;)

dinner of choice

presents,

cake

voila!

as quoted by her in a text to her auntie liss:

"when i turned 11, i realized that i have the strength that i didn't have before, and that is to be 11"

amen sista!!!!

xo

summ-ahhhhh

ogunquit beach on the 4th

poolside on the 5th

our summer continues to be pretty great

minus all the ear-wrenching sibling spats that make me

oh-SO-grateful to have a job to escape to ;)

every time i hear the girls scream 'ICE CREAM MAN'

i secretly hear eddie murphy and his ice cream man comedy routine

don't lie

you know what i'm talking about

ok, maybe you don't but that just means you're not a cool 80's chic ;)

 (and if you're a guy reading this well then you must be my dad)
and on the not-so-cool news of the day let me just say...
i know where my kids are at all times of the day
i know when they're sick,
i know what they're eating,
i make sure they have what they need,
i know if i'm not with them then they are with someone i trust,
i know if they've scraped their knee,
i know if they need bug spray,
i know that if they're eating all the way up to dinner time then what they're eating is considered part of their dinner.
i know who wants pink, green, blue,
i know when they're lying to me,
i know when they're sad,
i know when they've had an 'ah-haa' moment
i know that 98% of the time they lurvvve each other
and that the other 2% is reserved for a good debate.
i would most certainly know that if my kids were missing for more than 31 days
 that the person responsible for them missing
would be me.
may that sweet little caylee anthony rip.

8 and a day late!

this beautiful girl turned 8 yesterday

she had big plans in place for this great day

a list made months in advance

t-bone steak for dinner

whipped potatoes

steamed broccoli with my special sauce

and in lieu of a cake

make your own sundaes

she got everything she wanted

a cool retro style bike

a huge ugly doll

a new ipod shell

lulu and the brontosaurus

a kite

a lava lamp

a beautifully written card from zoe

and so much more

 

 having sundaes on this hot night

perfection

 hopped in the car for an evening game of mini-golf

and it started to rain

so we went bowling instead

 i was pleasantly surprised by the re-do

of the snack bar

i was smitten

 her birthday wouldn't have been complete

if not spent with 

her best friend

they complete each other

 boo!

**

dear ruby,

i hope you had wonderful day.

you have a way of looking at everyday things in a unique, magical way.

this gift of yours is one i can't wait to see evolve as you grow - to see what you do with this gift.

you take your time and enjoy being the kid you are.

i will be most proud of who you become because i know how you got there.

i love you ruby-doo!

xo

a climbing we will go...

 

i was always curious about this place we drove by almost daily.

and today we checked it out -

locals...holy fun!

what an amazing way to build self confidence, have fun, encourage your friends...

the list can go on and on and on.

we'll become 'regs' for sure!

zoe is a natural with her style and agility.

ruby walked in there shaking in her boots and conquered her fears quickly with the support

of the amazing staff.

i wasn't dressed for the walls but snuck in a mini climb in their boulder room ;0

sssshhhhh

we can't wait to go back!

 if only things were black and white....

lucky:  best friends?

bruno:  you bet bro, always.

stella graduated preschool!!!!!

a little celebratory rainbow treat

next

kindergarten!

100 degrees out....sweet ;)

holllaaaa....

oh snap!

my beauties

ruby and da goils

stella and a sweet friend

holy great picture a new fave

when dear mother will things ever slow down?

these are all taken last week

wait.

was it last week or was it the week before?

it was hot out i do know that.

i was wearing jeans that day i know that too because i remember being too hot not haute.

anyways,

here i am 

today

making a post

 because i had a minute.

muah!

da bros.....

mush ball

baby boo boo

ginormous beast

big baby

brotha from anotha motha

big bean

baby dinosaur

baby boy

gentle giant

dog for sale...two for one special ;)

the loot...

from left to right

top to bottom

1. my 'i'm going to smile because mom told me to not because i want to' smile
2. oooohhh, you remembered mom!
3. i love, love, love glitter make-up
4. you got me good with this one!
5. fist pump and a yesssssssssssssssss
6. yep...it's a book (yawn)
7. double fist pump = extra good
8. i'm going to sing opera...aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
9. ummmm, yeah.  thanks for the thought but this will go in the 'wait until i'm REALLY bored pile'

  * a post dedicated to the pops, grammies, aunties and uncles!